So, first things first…I still don’t have a winner for the Punk Rock Blitzkrieg giveaway!
I’m going to extend it until February 14th. Go here and leave your favorite Ramones lyric in the comments for a chance to win!
And about February 14th….it’s Valentine’s Day.
And I have a present for you, regardless of where you stand on the relative suckitude of the holiday.
Yes, cretins….it’s time for….
THE 2015 COMPENDIUM OF SWOONWORTHY MEN
Longtime readers probably remember my criteria of swoonworthiness from years past, but to quickly sum up for new friends: I tend to like my men a little awkward. They must have a sense of humor. Arrogance and taking oneself too seriously are grounds for immediate ejection from the Compendium.
So, without further adieu, let’s start counting down from Number Ten to Number One.
Number Ten: Dee Dee Ramone
Let’s get the obvious out of the way: Dee Dee Ramone is absolutely adorable. He is the human incarnation of the big eyed puppy that followed you home – there’s just something about him that makes him very, very attractive to the type of person who wants somebody to save. And that’s exactly why you must resist him.
Sometimes it seems like he lived his life to exemplify the phrase “hot mess.” He’s not so much a candle in the wind as he is a human Chernobyl in the wind. But he could also be so sweet, and so funny, and he could write such clever, witty lyrics. Questioningly? Written by Dee Dee Ramone. Pet Sematary? Also written by Dee Dee Ramone. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that maybe, just maybe, if Dee Dee had the right person in his life, he wouldn’t want to do heroin and Qualuudes and Tuinals anymore. In extreme cases, this kind of thinking can create Ted Bundy groupies. Or Columbiners. “If only he’d met me!” the thinking goes. “Then he wouldn’t have OD’d on heroin/been a serial killer/perpetrated a school shooting.” But, trust…he still would have. Dee Dee’s first wife, Vera (who, by the way, is way more qualified for sainthood that John Paul II) would concur.
And, if you don’t believe her, don’t forget the sage words of Nancy Spungen: “Never trust a junkie.”
Number Nine: Damien Echols
If anyone on this list has the right to take themselves a touch too seriously, it’s Damien Echols. After spending 18 years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit, he, more than anyone, has definitely earned the right to be a little lacking in the sense of humor department. But not Damien Echols. He’s like a beacon of strength for any kid who grew up weird and sarcastic in a small town, which may be why people like Johnny Depp and Eddie Vedder rallied around the West Memphis Three case and really helped advocate for their (albeit incredibly imperfect) release – because they could easily imagine themselves in his shoes.
As important as films like the Paradise Lost Trilogy were in drawing attention to this incredible miscarriage of justice, it is truly the efforts of Damien’s wife, Lorri, who kept hope alive – something Damien never hesitates to point out.
Also? He has beautiful hands.
Number Eight: Conan O’Brien
Conan’s just…dreamy. A tall, dreamy, self-deprecating way-better-than-Jay-Leno television host. He has an owl in this picture! He’s ordained through the Universal Life Church, which he did to perform a gay staffer’s wedding. He is also a member of the Lipstick Lamarr Men With Beautiful Hands Club (which is not a real thing, but should be).
That concludes this installment of the 2015 Compendium of Swoonworthy Men. Keep checking back to see who else made the list!